


The Big Bad Cat

by Mister_Fox



Category: Bleach
Genre: AU: everything is the same but one character is a kitten, Adorable, Aizen is still the villain, Gen, He's the Big Bad that happens to be... very smol, Humour, Kitten!Aizen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24927784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mister_Fox/pseuds/Mister_Fox
Summary: “Urahara-san, have you considered, I don’t know, raining catnip all over town when Aizen attacks?” Ichigo asks during his next training session. “You know, because…” Ichigo trails off.“Because Aizen is a cat?”
Relationships: Kurosaki Ichigo & Urahara Kisuke
Comments: 10
Kudos: 216





	The Big Bad Cat

Ichigo speeds up, reflexively raising his blade to counter the razor-sharp threat of killing intent aimed at Renji. Sparks fly as he blocks claws, and what must be Aizen - judging from the number five printed on the scrap of white haori - flies back. He doesn't quite have time to step back and think, having to help Renji defend against - they don't even have an opening to attack - Aizen until there's a burning pain in his midsection and he falls, near-bisected.

Watching Aizen shred his way through a Captain, then be confronted by more arrivals, and finally be spirited away by the Menos, all Ichigo can actually think about before passing out is: _'How did a kitten become a shinigami?_ '

* * *

No one mentions anything strange about Aizen after Ichigo wakes up in the Fourth, and he chalks up his strange recollections - because, even if one of the captains is a wolf-man, a flat out kitten is too strange - to a head injury and blood loss turning his memories weird.

The Gotei _couldn’t_ have made a kitten into one of their Captains, after all. How would a cat even do the requisite paperwork?

Yeah, head injury. That’s probably it.

* * *

Ichigo catches a glimpse of several shinigami watching a recording of the fight against Aizen on what looks like a bigger, more complicated version of Rukia’s denreishinki with a much larger screen.

...So, apparently, either he’s now suffering from persistent visual hallucinations, or… Aizen is _actually a kitten._

No. Nope.

He’ll wait to get outside confirmation of what he’s seen before he brings it up with anyone, ever. Or, maybe, if he’s very careful…

* * *

“So, uh, Rukia, what are the requirements for being a Captain? Doesn’t Aizen look… a bit like a weird choice in hindsight?”

She frowns at him, looking confused.

“Well, one must have Bankai, and either be promoted or win the seat by defeating the previous captain in front of a couple hundred witnesses from the same division. I think that’s about it?”

Urgh. Okay, how can he put it… Oh, right, paperwork - a kitten can’t write, after all.

“I mean, being able to do paperwork is also a must, right? Which means knowing how to write and… being able to hold a pen properly.”

She shrugs. “According to his lieutenant, I don’t think Kyouraku-taichou has ever written a single page in the time she’s worked for him, just signed things. So it wouldn’t matter for Aizen - he could have his lieutenant write up the paperwork, and then sign it, even if messily. Why?”

“Just… I’d never look at Aizen and assume he’s someone powerful like that. ”

She shrugs.

“Appearances are deceptive. Anyway, why are you so bothered about Aizen’s appearance? It’s not very standard, I guess, but he was not unqualified for the position.”

“Er, never mind. Hey, when do you think we can all go back to the Living World?”

Okay. Right.

So… is Ichigo hallucinating, or…

What, does no one acknowledge that they employed a freaking kitten?

* * *

Uryuu keeps giving him sidelong glances every time they talk until they finally end up alone.

“Did you… notice anything odd about Aizen,” Uryuu asks, deliberately casual. “When you were fighting him?”

“You mean, uh.” Ichigo tries to think of a way to put it indirectly, in case Uryuu isn’t asking what Ichigo thinks he’s asking. Which Ichigo sure hopes he _is_ asking because he does Not want to be insane. “Well, he sure _scratched_ a lot, right? And I guess I thought, he’d be, you know…. taller. And not so catty.”

Uryuu lets out a groan of relief.

“Why does no one else acknowledge it? I… do not understand. _Why?_ Everyone I ask indirectly, they all… do they not see it? _”_ He asks, desperate. “I thought I was just hallucinating, but- if you saw him too, then… what. What even…”

Ichigo wishes he had an answer. “I have _no idea_. He's a cat. He's clearly a cat, and for some reason no ever brings it up. How did he even get shinigami powers?”

“Do you think he’s like Yoruichi-san? Just… shape-shifted into a kitten.”

“No, I don’t think so. Otherwise, why struggle so much with the Hougyoku instead of shape-shifting and picking it up, right?”

“...I have _questions_ for whoever hired him to be a shinigami.”

* * *

It’s impossible to take seriously the briefings from Soul Society when they keep bringing up kitten photos whenever referring to Aizen.

Ichigo can barely focus on the information about which shinigami will be patrolling Karakura while waiting for Aizen or his forces to show up, too busy trying not to laugh at how serious everyone is about an enemy that is a literal _kitten_.

Like, yes, he gets the dangerous situation and everything, but… the photos are _so cute_.

Did Aizen go evil because no one ever took him seriously, and tried to pet him too much? Because Ichigo can definitely see that being possible.

Right, right, he needs to pay attention to the briefing, and not the fact that their adversary is a cat that could probably be defeated by a pot of catnip.

Oh, huh.

There’s an idea...

* * *

“Urahara-san, have you considered, I don’t know, raining catnip all over town when Aizen attacks?” Ichigo asks during his next training session. “You know, because…” Ichigo trails off.

“Because Aizen is, physically, a cat?” Urahara-san finishes for him wryly and Ichigo gapes at him in shock. “He may have something prepared for that eventuality, but it is a good idea.”

“...You admit he’s a cat?”

The response is a shrug. “My best friend is usually a cat. I see no shame in admitting to being outwitted by one, and unlike the rest of the Gotei, I know exactly _why_ he was hired, so I see little point in waffling about trying to _not_ admit that my coworker’s Zanpakutou is a tiny knife worn on a collar, because my coworker is a kitten.”

Ichigo’s curiosity rears its head. “Why _was_ he hired?”

Urahara-san grins behind his fan. “Because Hirako-san is, as they say, a bastard.”

Wait, _that guy_ caused this?

...He should tell that to Uryu, he said he had _questions._

* * *

Ichigo watches Urahara-san pick up the very, very stoned kitten out of the massive pile of catnip, bound by that sneaky kidou from earlier. Urahara-san gingerly drops him in a strange, large cat carrier with seals inscribed on it. The mutated winged kitten just barely fits into it, face slightly smushed against the bars.

The exiled shinigami is limping heavily, apparently only barely put back together by whoever treated him.

“I am afraid I could not lay the trap in the fake town as he would have surely noticed it and had to wait for him to get as far as here. My apologies for how protracted the battle got, but I could not allow him to become suspicious.” He sighs. “There was no need for Isshin-san to… I promise, Kurosaki-san, I will find a way to get you your powers back.”

Ichigo doesn’t doubt that promise in the slightest. He does, however, have two questions. The first...

“Why did… he do all this? When I fought him, all I sensed in his sword was loneliness. Why do all this?”

Urahara lets out a long, thoughtful breath.

“I think he wanted to become… not human, perhaps, but something close to one. Other than him, I have never heard of another cat with a significant reiatsu level or mind. Perhaps… that is why.”

“Huh.” Ichigo takes a moment to absorb that, before remembering that this is probably his last opportunity to do this. “There’s another thing that I’ve been wondering, ever since I met him. Is he.. as soft as he looks? Can I pet him?”

Urahara-san bursts out laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> Ehehe. What do you think?  
> Kudos and comments welcome!


End file.
